Today God taught me a beautiful lesson. I would like to share it with you. During a deep meditation, I came across a dark character inside of my subconscious mind. It had the flavor of a nightmare, but I forced myself to look at it. However, the more I focused on it, the more the darkness dissipated and my initial fear retreated.
This "character" was a trickster. She had crazy hair and wild eyes. But instead of shaking off her disturbing image as "not me" I embraced her. She melted into my arms and compassion washed over me. In that gentle moment of self-acceptance, God's Light flooded in and His Thoughts came to me, "Self-acceptance is the key to self-love."
Somehow I immediately remembered how much I hated myself when I was younger. A rough childhood and stormy early adult years left me constantly feeling broken and unworthy. I felt lost and out of control of my life. However, instead of reaching for God, buckling down and healing old wounds, I chose to get married instead. I thought, "Isn't it easier to focus on someone else rather than face the inner quagmire of self-hatred?" In fact, I not only got married, I gave up myself completely and adopted the life style of my husband as to avoid looking at Who I Am. I became the person he wanted me to be. I surrendered my wisdom to his choices and decisions. I abandoned myself to his future, instead of insisting on building my own.
By no means is this a criticism of him. No! He was running away from himself too, he just expressed it differently.
But today, in my meditation, God explained something extremely important. God told me: "Human-to-human love cannot be authentic until there is Love between God-to-human.
Until you know and understand Real Love from God, you cannot direct it towards
another person. Instead, what you direct towards another person is need, not love. It might feel like love, but it's not... until, and
unless, you allow it to come into you from God first."
Now, I will teach this to my children.
