As Little Red Riding Hood skipped through the forest, after her terrifying adventure with the Big Bad Wolf in the movie and play Into The Woods, she sang an enlightening song to calm her nerves. In this song, she sang the words, "Nice does not mean good."
The Big Bad Wolf pretended to be nice in order to lour Red off of her path and deep into the scary woods. She was charmed by his winning smile and smooth voice (not to mention the fact that it was Johnny Depp. Who wouldn't be charmed by him?!), but as we quickly found out, Wolf had an agenda. He was not planning on being good to Red, he was planning on having her for super! Therefor, his niceness was a weapon. A manipulation. It was a calculated attempt to destroy. And he nearly succeeded.
How many people have you had in your life who have turned out to be the Big Bad Wolf? How many times has "nice" been an attempt to get you to lower your defenses and ultimately cause you harm?
How many times in your life have you been the prey?
Based on many life experiences, and healing my own talent for co-dependency, I have finally understood an important distinction. There is a huge difference between "nice" people and "good" people. Growing up with a Narcissistic father, and than marrying a man with the same issues, taught me that charm and charisma is not always full of love nor good intentions. In fact, many times it can be a red flag, a warning sign of what is soon to come. However, not everyone with charm and charisma is dangerous. What I am saying is that predators tend to use "nice" as a tactic. But one thing they cannot so easily fake is "good".
The truly good people in our lives need to be cherished. They deserve our attention and our energy. Hold on to those who have truly supported you and who have been there for you come hell or high water. Sadly we live in an age of necessary distinction... meaning that we have to be highly aware of hidden agendas, being manipulated, protecting our identity, our emotions and our ideas. We need to teach our children to be more people savvy than at any time in our history. Within these lessons, we must use Love as our barometer. Just because someone is nice, does not mean that person has your best interest at heart. Even Oprah once said on her talk show many years ago that teaching little girls that they have to be nice to everyone all the time is one of the most damaging things we can do to them. Oprah made the point that little girls need to be allowed to say NO and to set boundaries. All children need this. All adults need this! Setting boundaries is ok, speaking your mind is ok (as long as it is not intended to destroy the listener), and Self Love is vital. It wasn't until Little Red Riding Hood finally stood up for herself, spoke her mind, and found the courage to tell Wolf NO that she finally felt good about who she was. She strolled off confidently into the sunset.
We all deserve self confidence, strength, love and... we all deserve to truly know ourselves.
Remember: "No," is a complete sentence.
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