Have you ever experienced the lies of false love? Have you ever had someone pretend to love you will all of his or her heart, but instead, was only trying to fulfill some hidden agenda of the ego-self? An agenda that, once revealed, left you cold, broken and completely blindsided?
Sadly, this type of deceit has been happening with far too many people. It leaves the victim (or target) with a sense of worthlessness, weakness and devastation, often blaming oneself while scrambling around trying to put the pieces of a broken heart back together. We ask ourselves, "What went wrong? What did I do wrong? How can I fix this?" However, our attempts at fixing a relationship over which we seem to have no control is futile and tends to only make things worse. And it destroys our self-esteem in the mean time. We might think of ourselves as the fool, wondering, "Why didn't I see this coming? What's wrong with me? Why don't I deserve love?"
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with you. True Love does not deceive.
Now, I am not referring to the usual experience of a normal
break up here. Break ups happen. It is something that everyone seems
to go through at one point in their lives. But even a break up can be
compassionate and the two people can walk away from the relationship
feeling complete, heard and respected. What I am referring to here is the intentional and calculated lie of loving someone.
Due to my own experiences with this type of "fake love" with more than one person in my life, I have spent many hours researching mental illness, Narcissism and other such personality disorders. I have also spent hours chatting with people who have had similar experiences and who were also left devastated, confused and alone after thinking that the love in their relationships was real. And these relationships were not all romantic either. This deceit can happen with parents, other family members and friends.
But this blog post is not meant to focus on mental illness. There is enough information available on the subject. Since writing about love is one of my favorite things to do, I wanted to address more of the spiritual side of: What exactly is True Love and how can we identify the real thing in every area of our lives?
5 Qualities of True Love
1. We can't give what we don't have. For many years I was not able to identify real love because I didn't have it within myself. I grew up with an abusive father who caused me to hate who I was. Even though I had the emotion of love for other people, I never felt it for myself. This left me emotionally crippled. I could not fulfill my own needs because I didn't have the resources. Heck, I couldn't even identify my own needs! But as an adult, I got some really great advice. "Let God see you." Now, feel free to replace the word God with the word that suits you. Perhaps the word Source or Great Spirit works better. The actual word here does not matter. What matters is the idea. I visualized myself opening up and allowing God to see me. I let God see all of my pain, shame, mistakes, worries, fears, anger and more. And this simple action of "being seen" caused a shift in my self perceptions. Slowly, I realized that God was not rejecting me. God saw my dark side and still I heard the birds sing, I cherished the beautiful sunrise, I enjoyed smiling faces and adored my children. I realized that my dark side was NOT stronger than God. In fact, the truth was quite the opposite. God was far stronger and more powerful than my shadow-self. This realization brought with is a sense of self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is the precursor to self-love. We must first accept something just the way it is in order to authentically love it.
2. True Love gives Life, it doesn't take it. Real Love shares itself. It vibrates and radiates and embraces everyone in its path. It does not hide, nor does it cower, nor does it live in secret. Love is Life Force. It breathes and thinks and inspires. A great definition for inspire is: To breath life into a relationship, a situation, a thought or an idea.
Therefor, True Love inspires, it does not extinguish.
3. Problem Solving. Real Love engages in solving problems, not creating them. When we honestly love someone, we will take the time and the effort to face and deal with any problems that arise, either in the relationship or in life in general. We do not hide from problems, run away from them, ignore them or exist in denial of them. The time and energy spent together solving problems is well worth the effort and and will continue until satisfactory solutions are found. These solutions are not just for one individual either, they suit, and align with, the needs of everyone involved. Everyone's needs get fulfilled and usually the solutions are highly creative and inspiring.
4. Assertiveness. True Love welcomes boundaries and speaking up for oneself. Since real love desires you to feel love every day of your life, then stating what you need in order to be fulfilled is accepted.
Being assertive means that you are able to express your needs and emotions in a healthy, balanced manner without violating the rights of others. It is also being respectful of yourself and others.
Aggression, however, is demanding, pushing, controlling and making your needs more important than the needs of everyone else involved.
True Love is assertive, not aggressive.
4. Miracles, Creativity and Results. When love is present, creativity is possible. Miracles and results abound. In fact, miracles are unstoppable when real love is present. Miracles are the results that we didn't even know where possible. When our hearts are open, our thoughts can expand and we connect with the Living Universe. Ideas pour into our consciousness and move through our lives with great ease and comfort. We find that our thoughts are brighter and our caring for others swiftly grows. In this space, miracles are normal because we are able to reach into the realm of what we didn't know we didn't know. We go beyond ourselves. We become something entirely new. And this open existence brings us new and unexpected results in all areas of our lives.
In other words: True Love grows.
True Love accepts, gives life, problems solves, fulfills our needs, expands us, grows us, and finally, causes powerful new results in our lives. Sounds a lot like God/Source, eh?
With this new understanding of Love, perhaps we won't be fooled by the fakers. I believe there is a darkness in the world that thrives on deceiving people with fake love. It wants to lour us into a false sense of security, then devastate us with it's sudden cold heart and ego-based claws. However, True Love is far more powerful. It requires us to take responsibility for ourselves and extend our joy to everyone around us. True Love wishes for you to be fulfilled every day of your life. It wakes up every morning and asks itself, "What can I do today to make your life better?" And once our hearts are full, we will do that for others.
Blessings to you on this miraculous day, My Friend!
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