True Love vs. False Love, and how to tell the differnce

Have you ever experienced the lies of false love?  Have you ever had someone pretend to love you will all of his or her heart, but instead, was only trying to fulfill some hidden agenda of the ego-self?  An agenda that, once revealed, left you cold, broken and completely blindsided?

Sadly, this type of deceit has been happening with far too many people.  It leaves the victim (or target) with a sense of worthlessness, weakness and devastation, often blaming oneself while scrambling around trying to put the pieces of a broken heart back together.  We ask ourselves, "What went wrong?  What did I do wrong?  How can I fix this?"  However, our attempts at fixing a relationship over which we seem to have no control is futile and tends to only make things worse.  And it destroys our self-esteem in the mean time.  We might think of ourselves as the fool, wondering, "Why didn't I see this coming?  What's wrong with me?  Why don't I deserve love?"

The truth is, there is nothing wrong with you.  True Love does not deceive.

Now, I am not referring to the usual experience of a normal break up here.  Break ups happen.  It is something that everyone seems to go through at one point in their lives.  But even a break up can be compassionate and the two people can walk away from the relationship feeling complete, heard and respected.  What I am referring to here is the intentional and calculated lie of loving someone.

Due to my own experiences with this type of "fake love" with more than one person in my life, I have spent many hours researching mental illness, Narcissism and other such personality disorders.  I have also spent hours chatting with people who have had similar experiences and who were also left devastated, confused and alone after thinking that the love in their relationships was real.  And these relationships were not all romantic either.  This deceit can happen with parents, other family members and friends.

But this blog post is not meant to focus on mental illness.  There is enough information available on the subject.  Since writing about love is one of my favorite things to do, I wanted to address more of the spiritual side of: What exactly is True Love and how can we identify the real thing in every area of our lives?

5 Qualities of True Love

1.  We can't give what we don't have.  For many years I was not able to identify real love because I didn't have it within myself.  I grew up with an abusive father who caused me to hate who I was.  Even though I had the emotion of love for other people, I never felt it for myself.  This left me emotionally crippled.  I could not fulfill my own needs because I didn't have the resources.  Heck, I couldn't even identify my own needs!  But as an adult, I got some really great advice.  "Let God see you."  Now, feel free to replace the word God with the word that suits you.  Perhaps the word Source or Great Spirit works better.   The actual word here does not matter.  What matters is the idea.  I visualized myself opening up and allowing God to see me.  I let God see all of my pain, shame, mistakes, worries, fears, anger and more.  And this simple action of "being seen" caused a shift in my self perceptions.  Slowly, I realized that God was not rejecting me.  God saw my dark side and still I heard the birds sing, I cherished the beautiful sunrise, I enjoyed smiling faces and adored my children.  I realized that my dark side was NOT stronger than God.  In fact, the truth was quite the opposite.  God was far stronger and more powerful than my shadow-self.  This realization brought with is a sense of self-acceptance.  Self-acceptance is the precursor to self-love.  We must first accept something just the way it is in order to authentically love it.

2.  True Love gives Life, it doesn't take it.  Real Love shares itself.  It vibrates and radiates and embraces everyone in its path.  It does not hide, nor does it cower, nor does it live in secret.  Love is Life Force.  It breathes and thinks and inspires.  A great definition for inspire is:  To breath life into a relationship, a situation, a thought or an idea. 

Therefor, True Love inspires, it does not extinguish. 

3.  Problem Solving.  Real Love engages in solving problems, not creating them.  When we honestly love someone, we will take the time and the effort to face and deal with any problems that arise, either in the relationship or in life in general.  We do not hide from problems, run away from them, ignore them or exist in denial of them.  The time and energy spent together solving problems is well worth the effort and and will continue until satisfactory solutions are found.  These solutions are not just for one individual either, they suit, and align with, the needs of everyone involved.  Everyone's needs get fulfilled and usually the solutions are highly creative and inspiring.

4.  Assertiveness.  True Love welcomes boundaries and speaking up for oneself.  Since real love desires you to feel love every day of your life, then stating what you need in order to be fulfilled is accepted. 

Being assertive means that you are able to express your needs and emotions in a healthy, balanced manner without violating the rights of others.  It is also being respectful of yourself and others.

Aggression, however, is demanding, pushing, controlling and making your needs more important than the needs of everyone else involved. 

True Love is assertive, not aggressive.

4.  Miracles, Creativity and Results.  When love is present, creativity is possible.  Miracles and results abound.  In fact, miracles are unstoppable when real love is present.  Miracles are the results that we didn't even know where possible.  When our hearts are open, our thoughts can expand and we connect with the Living Universe.  Ideas pour into our consciousness and move through our lives with great ease and comfort.  We find that our thoughts are brighter and our caring for others swiftly grows.  In this space, miracles are normal because we are able to reach into the realm of what we didn't know we didn't know.  We go beyond ourselves.  We become something entirely new.  And this open existence brings us new and unexpected results in all areas of our lives. 

In other words:  True Love grows.

True Love accepts, gives life, problems solves, fulfills our needs, expands us, grows us, and finally, causes powerful new results in our lives.  Sounds a lot like God/Source, eh?

With this new understanding of Love, perhaps we won't be fooled by the fakers.  I believe there is a darkness in the world that thrives on deceiving people with fake love.  It wants to lour us into a false sense of security, then devastate us with it's sudden cold heart and ego-based claws.  However, True Love is far more powerful.  It requires us to take responsibility for ourselves and extend our joy to everyone around us.  True Love wishes for you to be fulfilled every day of your life.  It wakes up every morning and asks itself, "What can I do today to make your life better?"  And once our hearts are full, we will do that for others.

Blessings to you on this miraculous day, My Friend!

Intimacy Without Sex

Dear Friends,

I had two amazing angel readings in a row that brought up a powerful issue for some people and I would like to share with you some of the advice that the angels gave.

Building an intimate relationship with our life partner can be more difficult than anyone realizes.  Intimacy is our core-self and allowing another person into that vulnerable space can be frightening.  Especially when we've experienced any type of abuse from childhood or if we have deep seated fears or abandonment issues.  However, allowing the person we love to get to know us at a core level is one of the most profound ways to begin building a powerful relationship based on love and trust.

One of the misconceptions in our society is that sex is the method for being intimate with our life partner.  However, sex is also greatly misunderstood in our culture.  Sex is often used as a tool for manipulation, a tool for power struggles, for avoidance and a tool to simply experience physical relief.  None of these elements of sex have anything to do with love.  Nor do they cause healing.  In fact, manipulation, power struggles and pure physical satisfaction cause degradation of Love.

Consider that love is a living, breathing being.  It is an intelligence in the Universe.  It is a consciousness that can choose whether or not it wants to be with us.  If someone lives a destructive lifye-style than naturally Love would not want to be with that person.  If someone's home is full of sadness or fear, then Love would not want to live in that home.  What we need to do for ourselves is develop a relationship with Love itself before we engage in trying to love other people, or ask them to love us.  We need to invite Love into our lives and get to know it before we can share it with another person.

Especially in troubled relationships, ask yourself, "Do I have a strong and trustworthy relationship with Love?"  If the answer is no, then that could be one of the main reasons for the troubles in a relationship.

Yes, the responsibility lies on you!  Both parties are 100% responsible for the health of the relationship.  It's not 50/50, it's 100/100.  (And if only one partner is attempting to establish health, love and well being in the  relationship, then the whole thing won't work.)

Once trust is established with Love itself, then we can reach out to others.  We find that we have more to offer our soul mate than just mechanized sex.  Our proverbial cup is full and we find that we have something of tremendous value to offer.  We can offer healing, listening, joy, playfulness, growth and so on.  Once our own core-self is filled with the Energy of Love it can begin to heal and intimacy can be offered fully and completely.  We can share our core-self with our life partner on many different levels: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.  The friendship can be deeper, the trust can be more fulfilling and, yes, eventually when we share the Energy of Love through sex, the sex will be better.  Without the Soul and the Energy of Love, sex is only a fleeting sensation.  It is only immediate gratification.  It can become an addiction.  However, with the Energy of Love present, sex is truly creative.  It is life changing.  It heals.  It transforms.  It generates Life Force and opens up the soul.  It utilizes all the chakras of the body instead of just the first two.

But in order for sex to be this wonderful, we first need to share our souls.  We need to share our emotions, our feelings and open up to Love.  We need awareness of Who We Are and what we're doing in life.  

We need intimacy with the Self first, and in order to get this, we need a strong relationship with the Energy of Love.  

When my daughter was 7 years old, she told me that Love was a true being and that Love was God's wife.  My daughter said that without Love, God could not create.  She said that God and Love are forever soul mates.  How profoundly correct she was!  Without Love, Life is empty.

Nice vs. Good

As Little Red Riding Hood skipped through the forest, after her terrifying adventure with the Big Bad Wolf in the movie and play Into The Woods, she sang an enlightening song to calm her nerves.  In this song, she sang the words, "Nice does not mean good."

The Big Bad Wolf pretended to be nice in order to lour Red off of her path and deep into the scary woods.  She was charmed by his winning smile and smooth voice (not to mention the fact that it was Johnny Depp.  Who wouldn't be charmed by him?!), but as we quickly found out, Wolf had an agenda.  He was not planning on being good to Red, he was planning on having her for super!  Therefor, his niceness was a weapon.  A manipulation.  It was a calculated attempt to destroy.  And he nearly succeeded.

How many people have you had in your life who have turned out to be the Big Bad Wolf?  How many times has "nice" been an attempt to get you to lower your defenses and ultimately cause you harm?

How many times in your life have you been the prey?

Based on many life experiences, and healing my own talent for co-dependency, I have finally understood an important distinction.  There is a huge difference between "nice" people and "good" people.  Growing up with a Narcissistic father, and than marrying a man with the same issues, taught me that charm and charisma is not always full of love nor good intentions.  In fact, many times it can be a red flag, a warning sign of what is soon to come.  However, not everyone with charm and charisma is dangerous.  What I am saying is that predators tend to use "nice" as a tactic.  But one thing they cannot so easily fake is "good".

The truly good people in our lives need to be cherished.  They deserve our attention and our energy.  Hold on to those who have truly supported you and who have been there for you come hell or high water.  Sadly we live in an age of necessary distinction... meaning that we have to be highly aware of hidden agendas, being manipulated, protecting our identity, our emotions and our ideas.  We need to teach our children to be more people savvy than at any time in our history.  Within these lessons, we must use Love as our barometer.  Just because someone is nice, does not mean that person has your best interest at heart.  Even Oprah once said on her talk show many years ago that teaching little girls that they have to be nice to everyone all the time is one of the most damaging things we can do to them.  Oprah made the point that little girls need to be allowed to say NO and to set boundaries.  All children need this.  All adults need this!  Setting boundaries is ok, speaking your mind is ok (as long as it is not intended to destroy the listener), and Self Love is vital.  It wasn't until Little Red Riding Hood finally stood up for herself, spoke her mind, and found the courage to tell Wolf NO that she finally felt good about who she was.  She strolled off confidently into the sunset.  

We all deserve self confidence, strength, love and... we all deserve to truly know ourselves.

Remember:  "No," is a complete sentence.

A message from the angels

It seems to be time for you to truly love who you are. 

I know this is easier said than done. 

Our modern, technocratic culture does not support self-love, only selfishness. Self love means seeing yourself as God sees you. Go all the way into the small, dark parts of yourself and forgive.  Allow those small, dark parts of yourself to breathe, to expand and to accept Life. That is what Love really is, accepting Life Force.  Allow it to move through you, and know that you deserve this. God gave you Life, therefor it's ok to let that Life flow all the way through you like a waterfall cascading into a spring lake. 

God needs you to be healthy and strong. God did not birth you to be weak and helpless.  Let God "see you". Let God know you all the way to your core. Let God know how you feel. This process will bring new Life into the parts of yourself that you think no one else likes.

Happy New Year 2015!

Once I gave in, gave up, and lowered my defenses, I allowed God to see into me, to see inside of me. And the more I allowed God to look, I realized that I have been made up of more pain than anything else, not just pain from recent events, but from my whole life, all the way down to early childhood. I realized that I have been keeping God from seeing that pain, thinking that I was protecting God from my ugly, dark secrets, but I was wrong. God sees it anyway. So once I opened up and surrendered and allowed God to fully enter my inner landscape and step inside of all that pain... do you know what happened? Suddenly I felt a whoosh of Unconditional Love rush towards me and through me. It raced into the dark, hidden crevasses of my heart and mind. God was not ashamed of me. God forgave me. God washed my insides clean. God freed me.
This has now become my regular mediation routine, to allow God to see into every tiny part of myself. The results? I have felt incredible! My dreams have been full of Light and empowerment! At random moments during the day I feel God's presence and know that I am ok. I always have been and I always will be.
The same goes for you.
Now, I have committed to God to move forward with this Light, to live with it and to share it. Because I clearly see it now: why else would we be here?

Happy New Year :)

Keep Your Heart Open to Everyone

This evening I had a beautiful angel reading with an amazing woman who lives in Brooklyn, New York.  And if you've been following my blog, you know how much I love to write about love.  It is something that fascinates me and I seek to learn as much as I can about how to works in our lives.
During this reading, this woman's angels began talking to her about keeping her heart open to everyone in her life.  At first, this information did not resonate with the woman because she immediate thought that love meant sexual/romantic realitionships and she didn't want to "keep her heart open" for that kind of relationship with everyone.  But here is what the angels said:

You are talking about two different things here.  Keeping your heart open, and sexual/romantic relationships are two different things.  When we say, "Keep your heart open to everyone," we are talking about a very high spiritual level of existence.  Imagine that you have died.  We know this sounds morbid right now, but play along... imagine that you have died, and you are in heaven meeting every single person you met during your life.  Imagine the joy and the relief of seeing them all again in such a healing space.  Now, imagine that you not only get to meet these people again and celebrate, but that you also get to say to them, "What did I contribute to your life because I lived with my heart open to you?  What were you able to accomplish simply because I refused to stop loving you?"
How would that conversation go?  What if people were able to say back to you, "All of my dreams came true because you refused to stop loving me!"  Or imagine people being able to say to you, "Your love gave me the strength and the perseverance to believe in myself and accomplish all of my goals."  What if everyone you encountered in heaven got to say to you, "Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!"
This is what "keeping your heart open to everyone" means when the angels say it to you.  It means that you let people go, you allow them to live their lives, you give them space, you never hold back and you believe in them so strongly that the Universe hears your call and follows your prayers immediately.  Keeping your heart open to everyone means giving them a chance to succeed whether you are there to share in the victory or not.

Are you an alien?

So many people want to know about aliens.  Who are they and why are they here?  The answers are more simple than you might realize.  Some of the beings we call "aliens" are your very own ancestors.  I prefer to call these beings "star beings."
How can they be our ancestors if they are from another planet?  Because your ancestors were not simple-minded cave-dwellers who could barely rustle up enough brain power to rub sticks together to start a fire.  Your ancestors were highly advanced, immensely intelligent people who lived closely with the Divine Creator.  They lived in harmony with the earth and valued life instead of taking it.  This information is in The Ringing Cedars of Russia books written by Vladimir Megre. 
The books are worth the read, but to save you some time, I offer this simple glimpse into our True History as Divine Beings.  We have been lied to about our origins.  Our current culture is not the height of human development, in fact, technology is a sign of a diminishing intelligence and a disconnection from Source.  Once the human race becomes dependent on technology, we stop thinking for ourselves and rely on some computer to think for us.  In short, once we begin relying on the ideas of other people instead of cherishing our own, we are going downhill, and technology is "other people's ideas" and other people's way of living life.  When you stop to think about it, you might begin to see how much of your time and mental energy goes into running someone else's system rather than designing and inventing your own way of being.  And I believe that the true way of being is living in harmony with Source and Life, not with metal, plastic and fiber optics.
The true origins of the human race is pristine, whole and complete, fully aware, loving and intelligent beings who treasured the earth and all it's inhabitants as the direct results of the thoughts and intentions of God.

Your ancestors were so advanced that they knew how to leave the planet and extend their love throughout the cosmos.  Thousands of years ago they figured out the secret (which is explained in the before mentioned book series) and they used Divine Thought to move themselves around the universe.  They settled onto hospitable planets and began growing and expanding and building new communities with the same essence of the Divine Mind.   This type of loving growth and expansion was a part of the Creator's plan (not killing each other off like what humans have been doing for generations).

Not all the creatures from other planets are on the earth with loving intentions.  In fact, some of them have been down right nasty buggers.  However, the good and loving beings who have been reaching out and contacting people on earth are usually reaching out to their own family members.  These are families that have been created during back and forth travels through space... and when I say "space" I don't mean the huge night sky, I mean the quantum physics space of instant travel over long or short distances, the kind of space that bends over and across itself and allows for travel of all sorts.  Our ancestors knew all about this.  They knew more than we do now.  And not only did they know about quantum physics, space and interstellar travel, they also knew about folk medicine, healing herbs, humanely raising animals and powerfully loving their children. 

You might wonder:  Then how did all of this knowledge get lost?  The answer is in the Ringing Cedars of Russia books.  But know that the downfall of the human race was intentional, systematic, cruel and unrelenting.  The way the Bible teaches us that we now live in a fallen world... well, we do, and if we had any idea of how far we have fallen, everyone would go insane with grief.  But instead of pondering what "could have been", take the time to free your mind, meditate daily, connect with God, know Who You Are and uncover your true skills and abilities.  Live as a good steward of the earth and all it's inhabitants.  Know that you have powerful ancestors out in the universe who are reaching out to you through your thoughts and feelings.  They want you to Re-Member with them.  They seek unity.  And the more you know about yourself and your abilities as a Divine Child of God, the more you can hear them, see them and discover how deeply you are loved and cherished.  It is much more difficult to control and lie to someone who deeply knows how much he is loved.